A Nervy Girl’s Guide to Online Dating…

In January, I broke up with my boyfriend. We’d only been together two months but, sadly, that didn’t seem to matter to him when he proceeded to behave like a first-class moron. To give you an idea, he turned up at my house late at night and refused to leave until I came outside to speak to him…

Classy.

For the second time in a year, I found myself on the receiving end of a great deal of unpleasantness following my decision to end a relationship. For the second time in a year, an ex-boyfriend shifted his attentions to someone else in a very short space of time indeed, while I was left dateless and wondering what on earth I had done to deserve my new state of social exclusion.

What gives, dudes?

Anyway, I digress. Eventually, I signed up for online dating – by ‘eventually’, I mean five months later, in May. And by ‘signed up’, I mean my mother bought me a subscription after she got tired of seeing me moping about how I was probably going to die alone without even a cat for company.

As someone who was utterly terrified by the prospect of online dating, I read loads of guides on how to do it, but none really hit the nail on the head. So I’ve made the following five observations from the real world of online dating, to help any other nervous first-timers:

1. Don’t be afraid to write people off for silly things: “Give everyone a chance,” said my mother, “They might surprise you!” – I’m sorry, but for a fan of good spelling the use of ‘your’ instead of ‘you’re’ is simply inexcusable. As is asking the same question three times because you’ve not actually bothered to pay attention to the answer.

2. Be as picky as you like: Don’t get on board with the try-something-new philosophy. If you know what you like in a person, tailor your profile and your ‘desirable qualities in a partner’ section to be as specific as it needs to be in order to find you a promising date. Don’t spend weeks messaging someone you don’t intend to go on a date with – it’s a waste of everyone’s time.

3. Take your time: If you’re a nervous or cynical (or both) online dater, don’t rush into a date just because you feel like you should. Why trek three hours across the country to meet someone that you’re only feeling so-so about meeting. Yes, it’s difficult to tell if there’s chemistry via your computer screen but, even online, there is such a thing as ‘courting’. One guy almost had me going on a date, until I didn’t reply for two days (I was working) and he saw fit to send a needlessly curt message saying the following: “I guess you’ve found your Romeo. Or you just don’t have time for me.” Out in one strike, my friend.

4. Don’t judge a man by his pictures: Look, he’s got a picture of him on a mountain, that means he’s sporty! Look, there’s one of him wearing a silly hat, he’s got a sense of humour! Ooh, look at that six-pack! Don’t be fooled by appearances. It almost goes without saying, but I’ve fallen into the trap once already – a pretty face and some crazy pictures doesn’t mean someone is reliable or charming or funny. Get chatting and keep your mind open.

5. A date doesn’t mean a relationship: It’s taken me three months to get this into my thick skull. You don’t owe any of these people anything beyond the courtesy of a message to let them know you’re not interested following a first date. Nor do you owe a date to every person you message. The beauty of an online dating profile is that you can block people if they get out of hand, you don’t have to face numerous people in person to tell them you aren’t interested and you can shut down your profile if you find that online dating isn’t for you.

As it turns out, online dating isn’t for me. But that’s another story…